I heard the same thing again…it was probably the fifth time in a row after talking with someone in a strategy session in the past few weeks.
“Why do you want a coach,” I ask.
The reply sounded something like this: “I need accountability.” Or “I want someone to hold me accountable.” The same words I have said in the past and totally meant it too.
The problem is no one can “hold you accountable.” They can guide you, they can assist you, they can even give you the loving butt-kick. But YOU are the only one you can be accountable to and for. If you want someone to hold you accountable, essentially you are asking someone to work harder in your business than you are. <gasp> #truthbomb
Accountability can be a tricky thing. At the end of the day, there is only one person looking back at your reflection in the mirror. When you do things for you, then you are going to have sustainable results. When you do something because you don’t want to “get in trouble” by your coach, that is not a coaching relationship. That is a boss/employee relationship and you didn’t start your business to become an employee did you?
Another popular response I get when I ask the question “why do you want a coach” is something like “I just need someone to tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
That’s what we are told is being coachable and so we tell ourselves that’s what we should want and do.
But the thing is, when has it ever worked out for someone to tell us what to do? Like me I’m sure, you’re a rebel. You don’t like people telling you what to do, in fact…you despise it. You want to do it your way. But somewhere you’ve told yourself that’s not coachable and my goodness, you need to be coachable right?
Being coachable is not blindly listening to someone’s directions and following their advice. Haven’t we learned throughout history this is a sure-fire path to destruction? Think about the mortgage crisis in the US in 2008. The financial experts said we could afford the houses and so we followed it without looking at the real numbers or listening to our own intuition. Every war ever started was because someone said this is the path to “Freedom” and enough people blindly followed. (I know I’m over-simplifying these things, but think about it for just a second.)
You see my friend, it’s WAY easier to have someone tell you what to do. And there are plenty of Guru-Star archetypes who would love to tell you what to do because their expertise is based on the fact that they are right. Honestly sometimes we need someone to tell us what to do because we have abandoned our own self trust and we just flat out tired. I get it.
But being coachable is being willing to walk through the fire of the unknown…the discomfort of not knowing what’s next because you haven’t done it before but you know one thing for sure: You haven’t come this far to back down now. You haven’t gotten this far without knowing some pretty spectacular things and being a pretty damn spectacular person…even when it’s messy and being anything but grace.
Being coachable is trusting yourself, even when it makes no sense and you are uncomfortable as hell. It means asking for guidance for the right reasons and putting that guidance to good use with YOUR knowledge, expertise and intuition WITH it, not in place of it.
For years I thought I was doing the right thing by being coachable. What I was really doing was giving all of my power away with every dollar I spent because what I secretly wanted was someone to tell me what to do. I lost trust in myself. I forgot that I was magic. I forgot that I had deep intuition and I have all of my life. I bought coaching for the wrong reasons.
Thank goodness I learned and I came back to my truth. Now the coaching I invest in is in alignment with me and my vision, it doesn’t try to change me into something I’m not and never will be.
Now I’m coachable. I have coaches I hired because they have experience and insight that is different than my own, but doesn’t replace what I know.
I have a mastermind who calls me on my crap in the most loving and empowering way. I have a coach who hold up the mirror of where I’m selling out and she honors my truth by adding her experience to it. She honors my decisions, even if it’s something that is different than what she would choose.
How can you listen to your own inner guidance AND receive insight from others? That is the kind of being coachable that will change your life (and bank account) for the better.
So is being told what to do easier than being truly coachable? It depends on what you really desire. The choice is yours.
P.S. If it’s time to restore your self trust, check out my upcoming Wealth Code Workshop I’m co-facilitating with my soul sister Alexis Logan.