What I’m about to share with you has been weighing on my mind for a couple of weeks. Can I really share this with you? Should I? Oh my gosh, what will you think?
Every time I feel scared to share a message, I know I’m meant to share it. So here we go.
A couple of weeks ago I was in a dark place. I was in a tailspin of jealousy, envy, pity and being pissed off. Like seriously pissed off.
I remember a mentor of mine telling me “Angella, I think you just need to get really pissed off and you’ll have a breakthrough in your business.”
I was so shut off from feeling anger on any level, I couldn’t even hear her. Now I know what she means.
Things weren’t moving quickly enough in my business and I was angry about that. Here was the conversation in my head “I’ve worked my @$$ off since 2008 and it’s my turn for things to be easy!” Wahhhhh, stomping my foot and throwing myself on the ground like the two-year-old inside who wanted to be heard.
I shut myself off from Facebook for a couple of days because everywhere I turned it was like I was seeing people who were doing more, better and faster than I was and it wasn’t fair. Wahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
It wasn’t pretty my dear although it turned out to be beautiful.
Isn’t it super annoying when you get to learn what you teach and preach?
I was super annoyed.
I teach my clients and at my events that “comparison is the root of all pain.” Yet here I was suffocating in it, judging myself for it and being super pissed off about it because I had better things to do and wayyyy more effective things to do than to be stuck in this “stupid” place.
So I sat with it. I looked at it. I cried over it. I laughed over it. I played with it. I used it to fuel me to uplevel.
I also reached out to a couple of friends who are also SOULpreneurs and I received some amazing advice that got me out of the funk quickly: “What if your jealousy is the way your soul is communicating to you about your deepest desires that you haven’t given yourself permission to want yet?”
Hot damn. She was right.
The moment I read that in a text from her, I knew she was right. So I got busy loving myself. Where there is judgment there is pain and I was done with the suffering.
So I chose joy. I looked at my envy and anger…I looked at all of it and I started to love it. I LISTENTED TO IT. And it had some really profound things to say.
I stepped fully in the feelings instead of telling myself that “enlightened women don’t do this crap.”
Enlightened women who are HONEST feel jealousy, anger, frustration and overwhelm.
The question is what do you do with it? Do you judge it? Condemn it? Ridicule it? Suppress it?
Or do you love it because it’s showing up to tell you something profound. Are you listening to it?
Are you listening it to it like that child who is learning how to talk, but they can’t quite communicate the way they want to so they get frustrated.
When the adult listening to them doesn’t love them where they are and just BE with what IS, what happens to the child? They explode. They cry. They stomp.
When the child is loved through the process then the tantrum either is avoided or the emotions run all the way through and both the child and the adult get to the other side quicker.
Your anger and jealousy are the exact same way. I admire the way kids just fully feel their emotions and they express them.
The next time you attempt to judge yourself for being childlike with your emotions, take it as a compliment.
I used those emotions to fuel what I really wanted. I said no to some obligations that weren’t aligning with me. I got clear. I gave myself permission to want what I want! I sought support and I received it!
(This is huge ladies – RECEIVE support!)
If you pretend you don’t have those feelings, guess what? They will show up at very inopportune times and will manifest in your business as sabotage and struggle.
Feel your feelings and use it to fuel your message and marketing.
And stomp if you need to. It feels really good.